I’m officially in my late 20’s. For the love of God, where did that time go? It’s no longer socially acceptable to creep on a 23 or 24 year old dude. So, I have been going in sort of the opposite direction… I have been going on dates with dudes who are much older than I am. I’ve decided my age cap is now 36. Jesus.
When you date older men, it can go one of two ways – they are either very successful and have a solid foundation, or they are a hot fucking mess while trying to start over in the dating world at 36. For the love of everything holy, I hope I’m not 36 and re-starting my life over due to a failed marriage or long relationship. But, as most of you readers know, knowing the way my dating life has transpired over the last six months, I wouldn’t put it past myself.
I met this dude Jared at the gym about eight months ago. After like three months of flirting looks and stomach knots, I finally did the unthinkable. I walked up to him and asked him for his number. I felt so desperate, but it was one of those situations where I knew he wasn’t going to ask me for mine, so I made the executive decision to grow a pair for the both of us. After swapping numbers, we texted back and forth a couple times, trying to nail down plans but nothing ever panned out. So, we went another four or five months without texting again. Until my fat ass went in to cancel my gym membership because I couldn’t afford it anymore. Thank god he wasn’t there – how mortifying would that have been? Especially because this dude’s body is a TEN! But, he must have seen my cancellation paperwork or something because he texted me the next day out of nowhere and asked me out.
We finally capitalize on our plans and meet at the local watering hole where the smell of homeless people and farts fill the air. Good music though. We get to talking and I can still feel my nerves are on edge. I throw back a whiskey on the rocks and start to loosen up, and so does he. He proceeds to tell me about his recent divorce because his wife cheated on him and she caught her in bed with the dude. I was then like, how old is this dude? Oh, he’s 36, living on his friend’s couch, and divorced with two kids. And one of the kids is less than a year old. He also said he doesn’t want any more kids. I know it’s just a first date, but it’s not like this dude is 25 and saying he doesn’t want kids. He really doesn’t want to have any more kids. Right then and there, all his shiny luster faded and became dull. He was no longer the hot, in shape, tattooed gym dude that I had once known and swooned over. He was now a homeless tattooed troll, starting his life over. I mean, I felt sorry for the dude – you can tell his distrust of women is so deep. He feels so betrayed by all women. So I did feel sorry for the dude. But this date was going down faster than a hooker in Vegas.
I decided to end the date early and hang out with some old college friends that I spotted at the same bar. He left the bar and I couldn’t help but think, I hope he has somewhere to sleep tonight. One thing that I learned from this date was that life is never promised or guaranteed…. Things can change when you least expect them to. Like when you’re 36 and have a wife and two kids. And I guess no matter what age you are, we’re all still just trying to figure life out.
When you date older men, it can go one of two ways – they are either very successful and have a solid foundation, or they are a hot fucking mess while trying to start over in the dating world at 36. For the love of everything holy, I hope I’m not 36 and re-starting my life over due to a failed marriage or long relationship. But, as most of you readers know, knowing the way my dating life has transpired over the last six months, I wouldn’t put it past myself.
I met this dude Jared at the gym about eight months ago. After like three months of flirting looks and stomach knots, I finally did the unthinkable. I walked up to him and asked him for his number. I felt so desperate, but it was one of those situations where I knew he wasn’t going to ask me for mine, so I made the executive decision to grow a pair for the both of us. After swapping numbers, we texted back and forth a couple times, trying to nail down plans but nothing ever panned out. So, we went another four or five months without texting again. Until my fat ass went in to cancel my gym membership because I couldn’t afford it anymore. Thank god he wasn’t there – how mortifying would that have been? Especially because this dude’s body is a TEN! But, he must have seen my cancellation paperwork or something because he texted me the next day out of nowhere and asked me out.
We finally capitalize on our plans and meet at the local watering hole where the smell of homeless people and farts fill the air. Good music though. We get to talking and I can still feel my nerves are on edge. I throw back a whiskey on the rocks and start to loosen up, and so does he. He proceeds to tell me about his recent divorce because his wife cheated on him and she caught her in bed with the dude. I was then like, how old is this dude? Oh, he’s 36, living on his friend’s couch, and divorced with two kids. And one of the kids is less than a year old. He also said he doesn’t want any more kids. I know it’s just a first date, but it’s not like this dude is 25 and saying he doesn’t want kids. He really doesn’t want to have any more kids. Right then and there, all his shiny luster faded and became dull. He was no longer the hot, in shape, tattooed gym dude that I had once known and swooned over. He was now a homeless tattooed troll, starting his life over. I mean, I felt sorry for the dude – you can tell his distrust of women is so deep. He feels so betrayed by all women. So I did feel sorry for the dude. But this date was going down faster than a hooker in Vegas.
I decided to end the date early and hang out with some old college friends that I spotted at the same bar. He left the bar and I couldn’t help but think, I hope he has somewhere to sleep tonight. One thing that I learned from this date was that life is never promised or guaranteed…. Things can change when you least expect them to. Like when you’re 36 and have a wife and two kids. And I guess no matter what age you are, we’re all still just trying to figure life out.