Well folks, I tried. I gave it my all, I took a leap of faith and I went outside of my comfort zone by moving to Cincinnati. I'm going to keep this entry short and sweet because everything is fresh right now, and I don't want to throw anyone under the bus. But long story short: sometimes love just aint enough.
I never really understood the meaning of that phrase "sometimes love just aint enough" because love should be enough! Love is what makes life worth living for, it's everyone's end goal. But, when it comes to day-to-day operations of the heart and mind, truly love just wasn't enough for me and B. I have goals, aspirations and a future that I want to look forward to. Unfortunately it just wasn't with him, as much as I wanted it to be.
Time and time again I'm reminded that you can never change a person, they must be willing to change themselves. I had high hopes that B would want to change and better his life, for me.... for us. But, again, you cannot change someone. He is who he is, and I am who I am. And I'm not willing to settle because life is too short to settle. Did he mean well? Absolutely. Was he ready for this? Absolutely not. Do I blame him? I'm not sure how to answer that. I partially blame myself for trying to think I could change someone.
But, I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet on Cincinnati. I have too good of a job, living situation and things to look forward to out here to just give up and go home. I'm stronger than that. And although my heart is damaged real bad right now, I have to look out for #1. I recently joined a Crossfit gym near my house and let me tell you, it's an emotional outlet for me. I want to cry and give up, but I push myself every time, and I feel conquered and happy when the workout is done. Also, I love the drive there... it's lined with greenery, horse pastures and things you never see in Chicago. It's a complete experience for me.... it makes me feel complete when my heart is incomplete.
So that's it for now. I'm sure I'll have a whole new round of online dating stories with dudes here in Cincinnati! But, not anytime soon ;)
Love you all.
-Ashley