Oh man, I've been off the grid for a hot ass while, people. It's been a combination of being too lazy to blog and the fact that it's finally more than 1 degree in Chicago. Don't worry, it's not because I found a boyfriend and am no longer writing - you sick fucks.
Let me download you on what's been going on.
So the last time I wrote I told you about this dude I went on a date with that had ended up having cancer. How about this for a follow up?
I woke up to this text yesterday: "Out of curiosity did you fuck my boyfriend? He's in a heap of trouble and I'm debating on whether I should help him out or not." Uhhhhh, what? Come to find out that dude had a girlfriend and I guess she found out that he's been cheating on her. Now, apparently, he got thrown in jail and he wanted her to bail him out, so she was trying to get some ammo against him on why he should stay in there.
Of course I followed up with a huge "FUCK NO" - I told her about how our date went south after he told me he had cancer, epilepsy and Parkinson's, he was moving to Denver in a month to be closer to his daughter and when his eyes rolled in the back of his head, I knew the date was over. She said "By the way, he doesn't have cancer, epilepsy or Parkinson's - he has Munchausen Syndrome and he isn't moving to Denver, he's supposed to leave with me tomorrow to move to Austin." HA! Poor girl. This dude has been scheming people into feeling sorry for him and setting up GoFund Me accounts to help pay for his "medical expenses".
I also told her he told me he was a drug lord in Michigan and that he flys all over the country consulting for marijuana dispensaries. Surprise, surprise- it was all a lie. Although he smelt the part of a dirty pot dealer, he in fact is unemployed.
Although a part of me felt bad for this girl, the fact that he publicly posts his GoFund Me account on his Facebook, makes me think she was trying to scheme some of the money as well if she knew he didn't have cancer.
Reason #73636738383 why I'm single - you can't trust anyone, especially a red-headed troll like himself.
Have you ever found out a giant lie about someone after going on a date? Comment below.